smiles and regrets

not much to blog although i am pretty busy been keeping things with this wrapped tight but decided to get it out so i know ive got to keep working on it or it will never get done!
check out my clothing line, "smiles and regrets!"


im currently looking for promoters and designers so get in touch, and if you would be evr so kind to link smiles and regrets on your blog i will be forever your best friend! ;]

the weekend...

i finally got a weekend off work but it wasnt that easy had to tell my boss i was going away because for some reason he likes to make me work instead of putting in anytime at hos own business.
okay i just realised this blog has turned into a total winger page for me so heres how my weekend went...
Friday night i was exhausted from work so i stayed home and snuggled up with my cat and watched shutter (not so good!) and the happening (so good, anything with zooey deschanel is always good!). Then saturday woke up late and went to a friends place to chill by the pool and have a few drinks which ended up with alot of drinks and getting home at about 2am, went on a bit of a road trip last night too went down the new eastlink which kinda freaked me out, because the road was just road and grass to make it a bit more interesting they built fake hotels and these weird tube things that light up personally i find it to be a waste of money. then today watched some csi and then went shopping with my sister and picked up pinks new album and of course a few dvds (catch and release and disturbia.) now im writing this and watching banditas (mmm penelope cruz!!!). and that was my weekend now ive got days of work ahead which i am not looking forward to, im thinking i might go job hunting this week im so tired of my job i need something new.

yesterday turned around!

If you read yesterdays post you probably wouldn't expect me to be in a good mood but first the chick that got me in the bad mood isn't working today turns out the rosters got mixed up so I get to work with aaron this 16 year old dude who I get along best of the bunch I work with which is ace! And then okay this is what's put a permanent smile on my face today... tickets to see pink come out next friday and her new album comes out tomorow! Im crazy as excited I've seen some awesome live music this year including panic at the disco, cobra starship and the academy is and will see mgmt in december so seing pink next year sure does kick of what I hope to be another year of awesome concerts! Fingers crossed it doesn't sell out before I get a ticket!

close minded people

It drives me crazy how some people cant see past there own stupid ways, that they cant understand we are all different, we're all we can be. theres some things we cant choose... our skin color, our family, our sexuality.

Theres a girl i work with, one who until today i hadn't come out too. A few days ago she was reading a magazine, an article about lindsay lohan and sam ronson (please don't tell me you've been living under a rock and are unaware of them, i will mock you!) and her remark was "eww i don't understand why someone would be gay!" its been stuck in my head every single second since i heard those words and its made me so damn angry! How can some people be so close minded i know theres alot worse been said but nobody i personally know has said anything like this to me. I decided to come out to her today to hopefully in some way help her understand. The whole story starts a few days ago when i saw my ex which ended in a hickey my coworker saw and asked me about, this happened on the same day as the lindsay/sam comment so when i was questioned about it i simply replied "it's nothing!" but today with her remark still bugging me i told her during a convo on msn. once said her reply was "oh i didn't know you had an ex girlfriend" when i replied "yeah sorry i didnt tell you sooner" she said "k" and signed off.
damn stupid close minded people.
im still pretty damn pissed right now and an eleven hour shift with her tomorrow is also bugging me too!!

breathless

until today i had never realized how much hiding from my family the fact that im gay was affecting me. i dont see my family that much i mean i live with them but im only home at night and im either sleeping or on the net, until this morning i was in the car with my parents and my sister and i couldnt breath or move the secret took me over i felt guilty and affraid that if i move they could tell or if i spoke it might accidentally slip out i know this sounds completely stupid i think it does too but this just makes me so much more scared of coming out to them how do i say it? do i tell them all at one? or tell one and let them spread the word? when do i tell them? how will i be able to get the words out?

my friends have stood right beside me throughout and havent changed how they act around me or treat me so why am i so scared to tell my family?
why does the truth have to be so hard?

not too far now

i hate that feeling when you wake up and you know that you have absolutely NOTHING to do. i know some people would think that would be great, no obligations, no work! but i hate having nothing to do i feel its a complete waste of a day and i should go out and be doing something, something that ill always remember, something that makes me smile when i look back on it... there always the best memories!
im not the type of person who like there space. i need to be around people and of course i get three days of work in the middle of the week when all my friends are at work and then i have to work the weekend when they've all got it off!
GRRR!!!
i NEED a new job!!

exhausted

im fed up of everything at the moment. i went through a stage about 6 months ago where i hated my job and i mean with a passion and it hit me again today. i seriously need something new i jus wish i had enough money or somebody had enough faith in me to get my own business up and running im craving for my own start at something awesome, something ill actually be passionate about and pour my heart and soul... everything i have into it, ive never had that before.

letting go

at twenty years of age how could life be so bad youd take your self out of it. i wouldnt be selfish enough to make them stay and feel the pain if it was that bad but all he had to do was reach out his hand and he would have had 50 reaching back at him alot of people were here for him but he did what he felt was his only choice i guess. but i dont even come close to understanding it.